August 22, 2021
Proper 16, Year B
“Many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him. So Jesus asked the twelve, ‘Do you also wish to go away?’”
I sometimes like to play with Peter’s response, vary his tone of voice. Try it with a strong, defiant: NO! This is where I belong. Or with a resigned almost whine: where else can we go? It can be almost whispered – an unbelievable revelation: “you have the words of eternal life.”
I occasionally play with what it sounds like to say: yes I do, yes I do wish to go away. That was certainly Peter’s response during Jesus’ trial before the Sanhedrin on Maundy Thursday when asked by someone in the crowd: “Aren’t you one of his disciples?” “Oh, no. Not me!”
I suspect we have all found ourselves answering Jesus’ question in different ways at different times, and, when we are honest with ourselves, there are undoubtably times we don’t like our honest answer.
I do know the tone I most readily adopt often has something to teach me about the state of my soul on any given day. Perhaps you find that is true for you, too.
With that in mind let’s explore just a few possibilities of next steps we could take on those occasions when we don’t like the sound of our answer to Jesus’ question; steps to take that do not involve walking away.
A classic step, of course, is to gather with other disciples to worship, pray, study, and work together. It be part of a church community.
One of the wonderful things about being part of a church is that there will inevitably be a time when you find yourself at a church gathering even though you really didn’t feel like going. That is when you discover the power of being with others who understand how you are feeling and are right there to hold you up and hold you together, metaphorically or even physically, until you are able to stand again.
And then we can discover the true joy of helping to uphold someone else. The work of the Holy Spirit in our lives is so recognizable when we look back on such times.
Needless to say, that kind of gathering and supporting has been hard for many us the last 17/18 months.
What we have done instead is practice new ways of gathering or reinvigorated old ways. Zoom coffee hour isn’t the same thing as real, in person, coffee hour, but I am so grateful there are people figuring out new ways to build and sustain community.
We call a friend on the phone and asking them to pray with us knowing Jesus is right there with us.
We say evening prayer at home with our families and when someone complains ‘this is boring’ we smile and say, yeah, isn’t it wonderful, its just like church, and we persist.
Or we remember we are always and everywhere members of the Communion of Saints and we can always gather imaginatively with our ancestors in faith. Take a bible story and drop yourself into it. Listen to what people say. Engage them in conversation. Walk around and get a feel for things. When we do we always find the Spirit has made a place for us there.
Another step is remembering. This is what Peter does I think. (At least that is what he told me when I asked him.) He said, the world around him, that was a mess. And his faith, well, most days that was a little wobbly. Discipleship was far harder than he had anticipated when he first answered Jesus’ summons.
Just forgetting the whole thing and going back to fishing was very tempting, but he remembered. He remembered things he had seen and heard. He remembered his life and other’s lives before and after. He remembered what he knew in that deep heartfelt knowing way that is to deep for words and he had to stay. What else could he do?
Eucharist is, of course, a ritual way of helping us remember like Peter did. But as with other forms of gathering, receiving communion has gotten a little complicated lately. It is getting a bit easier for those early risers who show up at 8am on Sunday morning but that doesn’t work for everyone.
Still, even if you haven’t been able attend the early service or swing by and pick up take home communion it doesn’t really matter. Remembering is something we can do anytime and anywhere.
The next time you eat a sandwich – remember. Consciously remember Christ as you bite into the bread. Remember all that has been given for you. Feed on the signs of love for you that grow from the earth and see what effect that has on your answer to Jesus’ question.
Often that is all it takes: gather, be held and hold, remember. When the question is asked, “do you wish to go away?” We can answer with a smile, ‘no, no I really don’t.”
But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes nothing helps, it is as if our souls are filled with thick cloud and nothing we do makes much difference.
Jesus tells us we shouldn’t be surprised. Our faith is not primarily up to us, it in the hands of God. That is a difficult teaching, too. It can even be heard sometimes a a taunt. I know there are those who use it that way.
Now is a time to remember Jesus only ever gives us good news. If we hear a taunt, that is the tone we or others are placing on it, not what is coming from the Holy One of God.
He calls us to surrender. What the 12 step folk call letting go and letting God. I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let her. Give our lives over to the care of God. Take a sabbath rest.
What Thomas Green, in his book When the Well Runs Dry, (p.62) calls the 3rd strand in the rope of gospel spirituality – “hope in the Lord to work in us what we could never accomplish by ourselves.” St. Paul says something similar.
There isn’t much more to say about it because in those times there really is nothing we can do other than to ask the Holy Spirit to make Jesus food and drink for us and then put down the spoon, stop stirring the pot, and wait in quiet trust and peace.
Jesus asks, “do you wish to go away?”
What is the tone of your answer today? How is your hungry soul longing to be fed?
Ask then rejoice in the living God.
