Sept. 17, 2023

Year A, Proper 19

‘Forgiveness’ 

The gospel of the Lord. This is is one of those that can be hard to hear. How many times must I forgive someone, Peter asks. More times than you can count, answers Jesus. Then he tells us a story. He gives us a warning. And here we are.

The story is one of contrasts. There are contrasts of power: between a king and a servant or slave;  

between a servant and another servant. Who has power? How do they use it? There are contrasts of debt – vast sums that number in the billions vs an equivalent of a few month’s wages. And there are contrasts between mercy and the terror of no mercy. That, I think, is the key contrast in the story.

Mark Davis (at https://leftbehindandlovingit.blogspot.com) writing about that contrast says, “In a parable full of ridiculous proportions, this is the most ridiculous movement yet. This would never happen. It would almost be like a bank that has been bailed out of billions of dollars worth of loans built on a failed scheme of sub-zero interest rates, turning around and foreclosing on a house that someone bought while taking advantage of those rates. It would be like Christians, presuming forgiveness for an imperial history that includes all manner of violence and heinous coercion, calling Muslims “violent” because of the actions of a small portion of Islamic extremists. It would be like a church member, having been forgiven of all manner of sinfulness, turning toward someone” of a different cultural or political or theological persuasion “and saying, ‘You don’t belong here.’” Those could never happen, could they?

This isn’t the first time Jesus has told us of our need to be forgiving people. Earlier in Matthew’s gospel account, when Jesus teaches what we call the Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-15) he ends by saying, “if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Maybe we do need to pay attention to forgiveness, maybe it is something of ultimate importance to us.

There are different kinds of forgiveness. We have to forgive ourselves for what we have done or not done to ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves for harm we have done to others. Forgiving of ourselves for harming others brings us to the point of admitting to ourselves we have harmed others. You have to be there before you can truly accept someone’s – human or divine – offer of forgiveness. We have to be able to forgive others for the harm they have done us. All that is on an individual level. Add in forgiveness in communities – this teaching is set within a series of teachings about how we are to treat one another within the community of the church – and the number times we are called to engage in forgiveness must be more than we can count.

Most of us find forgiveness extremely hard. Some of that is because many of us confuse forgiveness with things it is not.  It is not condoning wrong, or acting as if a harm wasn’t harmful.  We do these things many of us do all time. How often have you told someone who hurt your feelings, “Oh it was no big deal, it doesn’t really matter?” There can be good reasons for that answer, and if it wasn’t a big deal, well fine. However, if you are lying, if your feelings were hurt and now you are angry, flat out denying those feelings only feeds resentment which has nothing to do with forgiveness at all. Or we think tolerance of the intolerable is the Christian way of living. ‘Oh, he is beating you and your children? That’s terrible. Forgive him and give him another chance.’ I thank God that sentence is said less now than it used to be but it is still said and heard. Forgiveness does not carry any obligation to remain in harm’s way or allow the harm of others to continue. In fact, I think for most of us, we can only begin to contemplate forgiving others when we are in a place of safety, either physical or psychological. Before that, our attention is consumed with other matters. Other things are paramount for us.

Jesus did not teach that we should ignore evil and hope it will go away. He called evil by name and fought it. His death witnessed to presence and power of evil, the power of death, in all of us.

Through his Resurrection we learn the power of death does not have the last word, forgiveness does. It is God’s loving forgiveness of us that ‘gives us permission to build a new future out of our past wrongdoing.’ (Countryman, p. 34)

So how do we do that – make an intentional decision to move from participating in a cycle of violence and harm into a new and different future?  William Countryman, in his book Forgiven and Forgiving lists 4 steps which I think are pretty good. First, pray for those who harm you. That could be someone else or yourself! Sometimes the harm comes from a friend or someone who we know regrets what they have done and the prayers come readily. But there are other times when that is not the case. Then it can seem impossible to want anything but pain and destruction for another person or group. If you can pray for someone’s healing and growth then do that. If all you can do is pray they get what they deserve, then do that. Leave the details to God. As long as you can pray ‘whatever’ for them, it holds them within your circle of concern. 

Slowly, slowly, the prayers get easier and the anger and hate fades. Secondly, remember and think about the universality of God’s forgiveness. We are forgiven already. Christ has died for our sins. All done, once and for all. Reflecting on that over whelming grace, we can begin to “pray for God’s help in learning this same amazing and powerful generosity.” Thirdly, reflect on God’s forgiveness of you. In particular. And the effect that has had on your life and the possibilities for transformation it has opened up for you. The fourth step? Pray for God to lead you into the future. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the past. It is about unchaining the past from us, from others, and setting us free.  

Forgiveness is an act of liberation and new beginning. It is walking through the Red Sea on dry land not into the Promised Land but toward the Promised Land. Tich Nhat Hanh teaches that many men have problems with their fathers. They think, when they have children they will be a different type of father. But, Hanh says, if they do nothing to forgive their father they will behave like their father. Forgiveness is a necessary first step on a path to a new future. 

(The Power of Forgiveness, Martin Doblmeier, PBS documentary, 2008)

But do we have to forgive others or suffer terrible consequences? Is the threat real?  In the thunderous reversal of the king in the story do we hear anger only or do we also hear a cry of sorrow? How we hear the end of today’s gospel lesson depends very much on our understanding of the nature of God, the nature of ‘the good news,’ the nature of human beings, and what we believe can happen.

If Jesus tells us we are to forgive more times than we can count, can we believe God might forgive us that many times, too, as we slowly, slowly come to recognize that we, who have been graced by the mercy of God, can not hold that mercy for ourselves? 

We can only keep it when we pass that mercy on to others.

Thanks be to God.